Sunday, July 08, 2012
k i think i'm officially crazy ): did lector duty in church today and so i was sitting in the front row throughout. i dunno why but i started tearing during the sermon and a while after that... for like no reason at all omg, so embarrassing. )): don't understand what came over me also... maybe it was the message of the 2nd reading. "it is when i am weak that i am strong" and about how God gives us "thorns in our flesh" so as to make us less proud and so that we can learn and grow through all these sufferings. maybe i felt like i could identify... what with all the struggles i'm going through right now. but i don't feel that i'm getting stronger lol, i'm just getting consumed by my own troubles. ):
so anyway, yeah. i'm probably clinically depressed or sth wth. better srsly get myself checked out. ): who the hell cries in church for no reason :O in the end i couldn't take it and i just left after communion. cried all the way to park mall where i went in to use the toilet ): looked like a totally insane person omg. sigh what is happening omg, i really have no idea. ):
i'm probably just tired and jaded with life, tired of believing in myself, and people around me. and sometimes i'm even tired of putting my trust in Him. just felt like maybe there were too many thorns in my life, and i'm really seriously not getting any stronger from it. why doesn't all these pain and despair just go away. ): i'm trying hard really, i'm trying hard to stay positive and cheerful but it's all a farce, cos on the surface i look chirpy but deep down i'm so darn depressed omg ): wth.
i just saw photos of the seniors' graduation on fb! (: so envious omg. i wanna be there too... in 2 years time. but at the rate things are going, i seriously doubt that i can get there on time ): omg. sigh i want to get out of here too, and be able to celebrate with everyone else together... just really hope i can make it in time...
